My coach sends me links to blogs, podcasts, articles, book reviews, etc on a daily basis. At first I felt it was information overload, but now I’m understanding more why she does it. Some stick, and some don’t. What works for me may not necessarily work for you. There is one specific email from her that I keep going back to. It’s a blog post about the Phoenix, the bird who dies over and over again. See full post here. It’s about transformation…being actively involved in the destruction of your old self and the re-birth of your new self. While I appreciate the message, it isn’t what I continually go back to and re-read.
What really hits me with this post is the mention of an old Irish story. The story is about how souls request to God what they want their human life to look like. I did a few Google searches to try to find the full story, and couldn’t find anything, so I haven’t actually read it, but I have heard this concept before in different variations. It never resonated with me until now, when I’m working on giving up alcohol. The idea that I chose this specific journey appeals to me. I keep picturing my abstract soul (which if you’re interested, is sparkly and purple in my head) having a conversation with God and telling Him that as a human I want to be challenged. That I want to be tested and given an opportunity to come out stronger, more resilient, more mindful and more self-loving in the end. In answering my request, God chose to give me my challenge in the form of alcohol (more specifically -vodka).
Believing that I actually chose to experience this struggle with alcohol abuse, and believing that the choice was due to a desire to develop my soul really helps me accept where I am today. It gives me a reason to beat this. I don’t feel like a failure because I can’t have a healthy relationship with alcohol…I was meant to go through this so I can come out better on the other side. The funny part is, I’m an extremely competitive person, and thinking about this as a challenge to myself rather than a promise to myself motivates me more. I’ve broken so many promises to myself over the last year, when it comes to drinking and it didn’t bother me. But now – looking at it as a challenge – my human self doesn’t want to lose to my spirit self (yet they both win if human self wins).